My pregnancy with Addie wasn't the most enjoyable experience I have ever had. Some woman love being pregnant, I however, am not one of those women. Some say that they have never felt more beautiful in their lives, not me. Some say they had wonderful bursts of energy, that they went through a nesting phase where they had to clean the house from top to bottom, again...not me. For some people, and this is the group that I AM included in, if there is a difficult or more challenging way to have to experience something, that will be the path that they will go down. This has been a reoccurring theme in my life. I always get stuck with the worst room or bed at camps or away trips, I'll have severe allergic reactions to things while I am in remote locations with no medical help, all my friends get placed on one team and I am the only one left out on another, I get weird large growths on the roof of my mouth while in Thailand for three weeks with no parents and doctors using primitive tools to "fix" it while I'm sitting in a plastic lawn chair leaning up against a tree (this is no joke!). Ok, so you get the point. So why should pregnancy be any different?
The first trimester was packed full of morning sickness, food aversions, and feeling ridiculously tired. Moving on to the second trimester my doctor encouraged me that the morning sickness would go away, however it did not. By the third trimester we can throw in some pretty severe acid reflux and still morning sickness. This may be a bit much information for some of you to handle but there were only about 10 days out of my entire pregnancy where I did not literally vomit in the shower or sink every morning. I spent so much time doing this particular activity that I had actually convinced myself that it might actually help me in child birth. I thought that my abs would be so strong that it would help me when I had to push and that I would have a slight advantage. Well, that didn't happen.
The birthing plan: The plan was that I was going to have Addie naturally. Now, I know that some (really most) women cannot understand this wish but it was something that I wanted to do. For one, I wanted to feel like I had accomplished this without help. I wanted to know that I could do it. Also, I wanted to be able to feel the birth of my baby. I didn't want it to be a numb experience but rather I wanted the full feeling of having her.
Four weeks before my due date I go in for a check up. My doctor told me that my BP was high and that he wanted to see me again in four days. This was a Monday so he wanted to see my back on that Friday. Before we got to the doctor's office Adam and I had discussed me going on bed rest and I had decided that I was going to flat out beg my doctor to put me on it if I had to. I was about as miserable as you could get. When I got there of Friday he told me that I had gained 5 lbs in water weight and that my BP was going up. He asked us how we felt about having our baby on Monday. WHAT?? in three days?? SIGN ME UP!! This was the biggest answer to prayer. I wasn't getting what I wanted, I was getting MORE than what I wanted. Screw bed rest, let's get this over with. Now, that may sound a little "un-motherly" that I wanted my baby out for my own personal reasons, but until you have thrown up for 9 months straight you cannot say anything. And on the other side of the coin, great elation!!!! We have waited 9 long months for this angel to come and we get to have her early? amazing. I was practically jumping off of the table with joy while Adam sat in the chair stunned. In fact, the doctor had to ask him if he was OK with this decision because he wasn't sure by his reaction. Right away the doctor sent me down to triage to have some test run and to make for certain that it was going to be safe for Addie to come three weeks early. She was healthy as could be and already weighing around 7lbs. so they decided it was a go.
The whole weekend we were in a panic. There were things in the nursery that hadn't been finished and I wanted the house to be spic and span and etc etc etc, this list went on. You're mind goes a million miles a minute trying to make sure that everything is perfect for when your baby comes home. Because I was put on bed rest until Monday Adam was feeling the pressure. Thankfully, my parents came over and helped us finish up some loose ends, made us lunch and helped Adam check off all of his to-do's. Sunday felt like it creeped by. We were supposed to check in at 10:00pm on Sunday night. We took our time getting ready and right before we left my mother called to pray with us before we went in. It was a sweet moment that meant so much to both of us.
Once we got to the hospital it was go, go, go. They came in and gave me some medicine to help my cervix dilate, hooked me up to a million monitors and machines and gave me some sleeping pills so I could be well rested for the next days activities. I was told that I would be able to get up and take a shower and brush my teeth, brush my hair, you know, just kind of get ready. Well, that didn't happen. They came in and woke me up at 6:45am. Because I was going to be induced, my doctor and I decided it was best I not try and have Addie naturally as it is much more intense. The nurse comes in and asks me if I would like my epideral now or to wait until after my doctor comes in and breaks my water. I told her I had no clue and asked what she suggested. She told me she thought it best I wait until after my water was broken. Ok, sure. Umm, bad idea. In case you didn't know, it is very painful when they break your water. Why would she think that I would want to go through that without the medicine that numbs you from the waist down? I'm not sure. At this point there is a nurse change. I'm fairly certain that the ink hasn't dried on my new nurses' certification because she looks to be about 20. This I am not please about but I go with it. I shouldn't have. She pretty much doesn't have a clue the whole time and my doctor had to put her in check a few times.
At the nurse change they start my patosin (spelling?) which is the medicine that induces your labor. I tell the clueless nurse that I want my epidural and She calls for the anesthesiologist. Thirty minutes after starting the patosin I am having contractions about every 2 to 3 minutes. Yes, you read that correctly. At this point I start to get agitated that I still don't have my epidural. They do this everyday, can't they be a little better with the schedule of events? I got a little testy with my tween nurse and she assured me that he was on his way. Fifteen minutes later he shows up and gives me the epidural. Finally...relief.
We hung out in the room and chatted until about noon when I complained to the nurse that I was beginning to feel my contractions again and I wanted her to make sure there wasn't something wrong with the epidural. She comes over and gives me a few hits (it's kind of set up like a morphine drip) and walks away. I'm thinking, do you think I haven't already tried that??? So, I complain again and she says, "hmm, let me check you." Mind you, this is the first time she has checked me at all for progress. She says, "Oh my, you are ready to push. That's why you're feeling the pain." I begin to push....and push.....and push....and push some more. I end up pushing for two hours before my doctor says that we need to do a c-section because my birth canal is just too narrow and Addie wasn't turning the way that she needed to. Anesthesiologist comes back in (he was very prompt this time which was mildly irritating) and lowers me down and tells me he is going to get give a bit of a boost on the epidural. We go into the OR, they move me to the table, strap my arms down, put a curtain in front of my face and ask me if I can feel it when they pinch my stomach. I tell them yes, I can feel it. They asked in what way and I said, "Well, it feels like you're pinching my stomach." The anesthesiologist behind me cuts in and assures the doctor that he is good to go. UMMM???? Did you not just hear me say that I can feel them pinching? So yes, I could feel them cutting my stomach open. I didn't feel the pain but I felt the sensation. The best way that I can describe it is it is like when you cut your finger with a very sharp knife. You can feel the sensation of the cut but you don't necessarily feel the pain. My body reacted by convulsing on the table while I sat behind a curtain trying to remember the way it went down on all of those"Baby Stories" on TLC, because I'm pretty sure I don't remember convulsing. After the incision Adam and mom were allowed to come in. From this point it becomes more and more violent as they were trying to get Addie out, who was way down in my too small birth canal, and they only had a certain amount of time to do it in. There was a lot of the doctor applying pressure and a lot of me gasping for air. There was a time when I didn't think I could take it much longer, it was just so painful and traumatic. And then I heard it.
I heard my baby cry for the first time. It was the most magical moment I have ever experienced. Without even a thought my eyes welled up with tears. It was like God had been preparing me my whole life for this moment, the moment I would hear my child's voice for the first time. My heart is so full of love for Addison, it's indescribable. I would gladly go throw that pregnancy and that birthing experience and more pain if necessary to have this angel in my life. What a gift.
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| If I look rough, it's because I felt pretty rough. It was very painful to hold her the first 4 or 5 days. |
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| Look how little! |
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