cry baby

It was on my mind that I hadn't blogged about Addison's birth story yet and I wanted to make sure that I did it soon because I don't want to forget one second of it. Well, after you read the story you might think that I would want to forget some parts of it but I would do it all over again in a second to have our beautiful daughter in our lives. Matter of fact, while we're on the subject of wanting to forget parts of the birth story, let me go ahead and throw in a disclaimer. If you are currently pregnant with your first child, you may not want to read this. However, every woman/mother goes through a different and unique experience during childbirth and my story will in no way reflect what your experience will be like. I can promise you this, it will be beautiful and you will never regret a moment of it.

My pregnancy with Addie wasn't the most enjoyable experience I have ever had. Some woman love being pregnant, I however, am not one of those women. Some say that they have never felt more beautiful in their lives, not me. Some say they had wonderful bursts of energy, that they went through a nesting phase where they had to clean the house from top to bottom, again...not me. For some people, and this is the group that I AM included in, if there is a difficult or more challenging way to have to experience something, that will be the path that they will go down. This has been a reoccurring theme in my life. I always get stuck with the worst room or bed at camps or away trips, I'll have severe allergic reactions to things while I am in remote locations with no medical help, all my friends get placed on one team and I am the only one left out on another, I get weird large growths on the roof of my mouth while in Thailand for three weeks with no parents and doctors using primitive tools to "fix" it while I'm sitting in a plastic lawn chair leaning up against a tree (this is no joke!). Ok, so you get the point. So why should pregnancy be any different?

The first trimester was packed full of morning sickness, food aversions, and feeling ridiculously tired. Moving on to the second trimester my doctor encouraged me that the morning sickness would go away, however it did not. By the third trimester we can throw in some pretty severe acid reflux and still morning sickness. This may be a bit much information for some of you to handle but there were only about 10 days out of my entire pregnancy where I did not literally vomit in the shower or sink every morning. I spent so much time doing this particular activity that I had actually convinced myself that it might actually help me in child birth. I thought that my abs would be so strong that it would help me when I had to push and that I would have a slight advantage. Well, that didn't happen.

The birthing plan: The plan was that I was going to have Addie naturally. Now, I know that some (really most) women cannot understand this wish but it was something that I wanted to do. For one, I wanted to feel like I had accomplished this without help. I wanted to know that I could do it. Also, I wanted to be able to feel the birth of my baby. I didn't want it to be a numb experience but rather I wanted the full feeling of having her.

Four weeks before my due date I go in for a check up. My doctor told me that my BP was high and that he wanted to see me again in four days. This was a Monday so he wanted to see my back on that Friday. Before we got to the doctor's office Adam and I had discussed me going on bed rest and I had decided that I was going to flat out beg my doctor to put me on it if I had to. I was about as miserable as you could get. When I got there of Friday he told me that I had gained 5 lbs in water weight and that my BP was going up. He asked us how we felt about having our baby on Monday. WHAT?? in three days?? SIGN ME UP!! This was the biggest answer to prayer. I wasn't getting what I wanted, I was getting MORE than what I wanted. Screw bed rest, let's get this over with. Now, that may sound a little "un-motherly" that I wanted my baby out for my own personal reasons, but until you have thrown up for 9 months straight you cannot say anything. And on the other side of the coin, great elation!!!! We have waited 9 long months for this angel to come and we get to have her early? amazing. I was practically jumping off of the table with joy while Adam sat in the chair stunned. In fact, the doctor had to ask him if he was OK with this decision because he wasn't sure by his reaction. Right away the doctor sent me down to triage to have some test run and to make for certain that it was going to be safe for Addie to come three weeks early. She was healthy as could be and already weighing around 7lbs. so they decided it was a go.

The whole weekend we were in a panic. There were things in the nursery that hadn't been finished and I wanted the house to be spic and span and etc etc etc, this list went on. You're mind goes a million miles a minute trying to make sure that everything is perfect for when your baby comes home. Because I was put on bed rest until Monday Adam was feeling the pressure. Thankfully, my parents came over and helped us finish up some loose ends, made us lunch and helped Adam check off all of his to-do's. Sunday felt like it creeped by. We were supposed to check in at 10:00pm on Sunday night. We took our time getting ready and right before we left my mother called to pray with us before we went in. It was a sweet moment that meant so much to both of us.

Once we got to the hospital it was go, go, go. They came in and gave me some medicine to help my cervix dilate, hooked me up to a million monitors and machines and gave me some sleeping pills so I could be well rested for the next days activities. I was told that I would be able to get up and take a shower and brush my teeth, brush my hair, you know, just kind of get ready. Well, that didn't happen. They came in and woke me up at 6:45am. Because I was going to be induced, my doctor and I decided it was best I not try and have Addie naturally as it is much more intense. The nurse comes in and asks me if I would like my epideral now or to wait until after my doctor comes in and breaks my water. I told her I had no clue and asked what she suggested. She told me she thought it best I wait until after my water was broken. Ok, sure. Umm, bad idea. In case you didn't know, it is very painful when they break your water. Why would she think that I would want to go through that without the medicine that numbs you from the waist down? I'm not sure. At this point there is a nurse change. I'm fairly certain that the ink hasn't dried on my new nurses' certification because she looks to be about 20. This I am not please about but I go with it. I shouldn't have. She pretty much doesn't have a clue the whole time and my doctor had to put her in check a few times.

At the nurse change they start my patosin (spelling?) which is the medicine that induces your labor. I tell the clueless nurse that I want my epidural and She calls for the anesthesiologist. Thirty minutes after starting the patosin I am having contractions about every 2 to 3 minutes. Yes, you read that correctly. At this point I start to get agitated that I still don't have my epidural. They do this everyday, can't they be a little better with the schedule of events? I got a little testy with my tween nurse and she assured me that he was on his way. Fifteen minutes later he shows up and gives me the epidural. Finally...relief.

We hung out in the room and chatted until about noon when I complained to the nurse that I was beginning to feel my contractions again and I wanted her to make sure there wasn't something wrong with the epidural. She comes over and gives me a few hits (it's kind of set up like a morphine drip) and walks away. I'm thinking, do you think I haven't already tried that??? So, I complain again and she says, "hmm, let me check you." Mind you, this is the first time she has checked me at all for progress. She says, "Oh my, you are ready to push. That's why you're feeling the pain." I begin to push....and push.....and push....and push some more. I end up pushing for two hours before my doctor says that we need to do a c-section because my birth canal is just too narrow and Addie wasn't turning the way that she needed to. Anesthesiologist comes back in (he was very prompt this time which was mildly irritating) and lowers me down and tells me he is going to get give a bit of a boost on the epidural. We go into the OR, they move me to the table, strap my arms down, put a curtain in front of my face and ask me if I can feel it when they pinch my stomach. I tell them yes, I can feel it. They asked in what way and I said, "Well, it feels like you're pinching my stomach." The anesthesiologist behind me cuts in and assures the doctor that he is good to go. UMMM???? Did you not just hear me say that I can feel them pinching? So yes, I could feel them cutting my stomach open. I didn't feel the pain but I felt the sensation. The best way that I can describe it is it is like when you cut your finger with a very sharp knife. You can feel the sensation of the cut but you don't necessarily feel the pain. My body reacted by convulsing on the table while I sat behind a curtain trying to remember the way it went down on all of those"Baby Stories" on TLC, because I'm pretty sure I don't remember convulsing. After the incision Adam and mom were allowed to come in. From this point it becomes more and more violent as they were trying to get Addie out, who was way down in my too small birth canal, and they only had a certain amount of time to do it in. There was a lot of the doctor applying pressure and a lot of me gasping for air. There was a time when I didn't think I could take it much longer, it was just so painful and traumatic. And then I heard it.

I heard my baby cry for the first time. It was the most magical moment I have ever experienced. Without even a thought my eyes welled up with tears. It was like God had been preparing me my whole life for this moment, the moment I would hear my child's voice for the first time. My heart is so full of love for Addison, it's indescribable. I would gladly go throw that pregnancy and that birthing experience and more pain if necessary to have this angel in my life. What a gift.

If I look rough, it's because I felt pretty rough. It was very painful to hold her the first 4 or 5 days.

Look how little!

roly poly :)

You can assume that if someone lives in the south that they prefer warmer weather to cold, and that assumption proves to be true with me. I absolutely love this time of year. Things that make it awesome: for starters, mine and my husbands birthday's are in April, the weather is not too cold and not too hot, all of the pretty flowers are blooming and they smell wonderful, sweaters, jeans and boots are replaced with short sleeves, shorts and flops, the weather encourages impromptu outings such as picnics in the park, trips to the beach are in the near future, and all-in-all being outside is enjoyable again. A new favorite that I can add to my list this year, and I believe this one will go straight to the top, is that I absolutely, positively LOVE LOVE LOVE and cannot get enough of Addison's darling little baby legs. And now that it is warm outside, and thankfully she loves being outside, I get to dress her in little outfits where I have direct access to those precious little rolls all of the time. It's my favorite!

Getting ready for a walk at the park. I mean look at her, I want to eat her up!!!

This shirt is a gift from Aunt KK that she purchased in South Africa

my back is wack

I haven't been able to blog a lot lately because Adam and I have had a lot going on and, as you can tell by the title of this blog, my back is wack. Adam's dad has been in (and is still in) the hospital the last week or so due to some complications with his liver, so we have been spending time at the hospital when we can. I have had several appointments for my back which has been irritating me for about 5 months now. I went to my GP around Christmas time and he put me on a round of steroids and some mild pain killers, which did nothing. I decided to up the anti and head to the neurosurgeon that I have been to before. He put me on another round of steroids along with muscle relaxers and pain meds. The pain doesn't go away so we up the steroids to a stronger dose and continue with the muscle relaxers and pain meds. After about 2 months he schedules an MRI. The office where I am to get this MRI has a water leak and floods at literally the exact moment that I show up for my appointment. I have to wait a week and a half to get the MRI done so the neurosurgeon puts me on another round of steroids to hold me over until the MRI. I finally get the MRI and have to wait a week until they can get them developed, or whatever it is they do that takes so blastin' long. You would think with today's technology that we could get these things moving a little faster. Anyway, this past Friday I actually got to go back to see the neurosurgeon about the MRI and lo' and behold I have a slipped disc in my lower back. This is somewhat relieving and terrible all at the same time. Great that I finally know what is wrong with my back and that all of my complaining is now warranted ;) but terrible because now I have a slipped disc and that doesn't necessarily mean an easy fix. At this point the doc is trying to avoid surgery because I am young and the percentage of it reoccurring  is 10% greater in someone my age. So, we are first going to try a series of epidural shots in my back. It is a 6 week process that includes some physical therapy where they hope that the disc will slip back into place on its own. If this doesn't work then we move to surgery. It is all a little overwhelming as I have to consider Addie in all of this too.  Me going back and forth to the doctor's office each week along with the epidural shots is going to put me a little out of commission for a while. We are, of course, praying that these shots work and that I don't have to have surgery. Then I really would be out of commission. I just look forward to the time when I'm not in pain and I can play with Addie like I want to. And I know that God is sovereign and that He has a plan in all of this. So, with that being said the DeMine's have two prayer request today: heal my back and heal Adam's dad (Tommy).

Way back when

Ahhh, Addie is finally asleep and I have a moment to update my blog while enjoying a lovely, long overdue glass of wine. Everything seems to be happening so fast. Addie is growing and changing so much that it is hard to keep up with. It seems like just yesterday she wasn't able to hold her head up on her own and now she's practically able to sit up. I am still so amazed that she can intentionally reach for objects and that she is starting to giggle when I'm acting crazy (instead of stare at me like I'm acting crazy). It seems like yesterday I was blogging about Addie smearing her food all over her face while eating and now she hardly gets any on her bib. I'm going to blink and she's going to be going to her first day of school. I am determined to cherish my days with her as much as I can because I know I will miss them with each new stage that she reaches. It's the joy of being a mother; to watch her learn and experience new things, to see her develop new skills, to have a special relationship with her that grows as she grows. The flip side is that it's sad. In a good way, I suppose, but it's still sad to watch them meet these new milestones and leave what once was normal behind. When you no longer have the joy of swaddling her for bedtime or when you have to put all of the clothes that don't fit anymore away and pull out the next size up, when you have to move up to a new size diaper and trade out the bottle for a bowl and spoon. So, because I'm feeling that way today, this is an ode to my little toot. So that I can remember. Love her.

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Just working on her tan

Ok, so this outfit is a little big, but she wears it so well:)

Loves to have those hands by her head! She was just like this in all of the sonograms.

eyes wide shut

Addison has a sleeping habit that I'm not sure is unique to her or if it is common in a lot of babies, but it can catch you off guard sometimes! When putting her down for naps or bedtime I started noticing that sometimes she wouldn't close her eyes all of the way. She would be fast asleep with little slits for eyes and you could see when she went into REM because her eyes would start to dance around. Weeks later she started to actually do this with her eye lids all of the way open but her eyeballs would not move she would just stare at one spot. I would get confused, thinking that she was waking up and I would try to console her and get her to go back down. It didn't take long for me to figure out that my consoling was actually waking her up! And finally, we have progressed to yet a new stage. This is the one that will catch you off guard if you aren't prepared. This has only happened at night while putting her in the crib but (and this is only on occasion) once her body hits the mattress her eyes will shoot open as if she has been startled awake and she will stare in one place (usually directly at you, which adds to the creepiness). The first time this happened I was concerned, I thought that something was wrong. So, I called her name and rubbed her head and she lazily blinked her eyes and woke up. Of course, then I realized that she was sleeping with her eyes open. Adam likens this stage to something out an exorcist movie or something. I guess it's the stone cold face with no expression and eyes popping wide open to stare you down, but I have to agree it is a little unnerving, but cute right? Cause it's my baby. Needless to say, I hope she grows out of this little quirk. I can't imagine how that would go over at a sleepover!

Clearly I can't capture this moment in a picture, one because it would wake her up and two because I'm too scared of what her reaction would be coming out of a deep sleep like that. She might go for my jugular or something (just kidding!). To remind you of how sweet and cute she is here is a picture of how I found her after she had woken up from her nap the other morning. She woke up once and I went in and she had the right leg unsnapped on her outfit, so I snapped it back and put her back down. She woke up again and this time when I went in her left leg was unsnapped. I laughed, snapped her back up and put her back down. The last time she woke up I went in and this is what I found. Crafty little one!